Don't define yourself by your flaws

At dinner the other night I told somebody one of my deepest secret flaws. They nodded and gave a shrug of acknowledgment. The conversation moved on.

Wait!  Didn’t they realise this was something I’d kept hidden for years? That I’d barely even acknowledged it to myself?  How nobody else suffered like I did?  That this was one of the defining features of my life?

Of course not. Because my secret flaw has massive significance to only one person in the world: me.  And your secret flaw is vitally important as well, but only to you.

Everything looks larger seen from up close. Personal problems loom so huge that they can become a defining feature of our lives. The muted reaction of others astonishes us, but is also reassuring:  with distance comes perspective. That which in our heads is so vast, so troubling, and so dark, is to others nothing but a molehill on the landscape of our personality.

The more personal the wound, the more universal it is.

Don’t define yourself by your perceived imperfections. Other people don’t see them the way you do. And – more important – other people don’t see your flaws in the way you think they do.  Your issues are only as big as you think they are.