Come on, be honest...

Most people think truthfulness is a virtue.  When asked, the majority rate their honesty as ‘above average’. In surveys where people report how many lies they tell each day the number is usually between 2 and 6.

Ironically, although perhaps understandably, this perception is not true. The lies we recollect are lies that are big, or where another will be hurt if the truth comes out.  The small day-to-day dishonesty of white lies, harmless lies, and unkept promises gets forgotten in the fog of what we consider normal life. We lie constantly.  And we underestimate our untruths by at least a half: for every lie we tell somebody else, we lie to ourselves as well.

“I’m going for a run tomorrow”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll meet you at 1030”

“I’m only having one beer tonight”

“The report will be done by tomorrow morning”

Does it matter if we don’t go for a run?  If we turn up at 1045, have a couple more beers, or the report isn’t ready until the afternoon?  Really – does it?

If we value honesty then an unkept promise is as good as a lie. And the lies we tell to ourselves are as damaging as the lies we tell to others.  When you break that commitment to have the report ready by the morning then you break 2 agreements: the one with the recipient, and the one with yourself.

Over the years we have broken so many promises to ourselves – lied to ourselves so often – we’ve learned that we can’t trust our own word.  Before we complain about the dishonesty of others we should focus on our own honesty. Integrity begins at home.  Keeping agreements you make with yourself is the first step.

Only say that you’ll do something if you genuinely plan to and believe that you will do it.  Keep commitments to others. Be honest with others. But even before that, make sure that you keep commitments to yourself.