A friend in need is a friend indeed?

A classic English aphorism states: “A friend in need is a friend indeed”. There are three interpretations of this saying:

First, a friend who helps you out when you are in need is a true friend.

Second, a friend who is in need of your help will be extra friendly to you – a ‘friend indeed’. This is technically correct, as the friend is the subject of the sentence.

Third, a friend in need of help will be sufficiently friendly (or needy) to help you with whatever actions you decide on: a friend 'in deed’.

The first of these is the most widely accepted interpretation, as well as being the one that carries the most mistaken message.  It’s easy to help a friend. When we are in need and a friend helps us out we feel grateful, and we are sure that we would do the same for them. Altruism may or may not exist; either way, helping somebody makes us feel good about ourselves, and puts them very slightly into our debt.

But can you celebrate a friend’s success? Even a success where your friend outshines you? To be genuinely happy for a friend – to be able to celebrate with joy and without envy – is much more difficult than helping them out when they need you. This is a deep test of friendship.

Don’t judge a friend on whether they’re there for you when you need help. Judge them at least as much on whether they can celebrate your successes with you.