Be (even) more polite

Out for dinner with my parents, the waiter placed my main course on the table. “Thanks”, I said, half-turning to him. My Dad caught my eye: “That’s not the right thing to say, Josh. When you want to thank somebody – anybody – you say ‘thank-you’, not ‘thanks’. It makes more difference than you think.”

That early lesson in politeness from my parents stayed with me. Of course, at the time I thought it was stupid, but the older I get the wiser it seems.  “Thanks” is casual, too brief and too impersonal. It’s a minimal step up from “cheers”.  Using “thank you” adds a personal element and expresses gratitude more sincerely.

Abbreviations are almost always less polite and less sincere than the full form. I receive emails signed off with “BR, Joe”, or “KR, John” – short for best regards and kind regards, respectively.  If you genuinely want to send me your regards then you could at least put in the effort of those extra ten key-strokes.

Older adults in hospital are frequently called by their first name. Absolutely fine if that’s what they prefer, but not polite on the first meeting if you’ve no idea of their wishes.  If you aren’t sure how somebody would like to be addressed – and this is particularly pertinent to cross-cultural communication – then ask. Better to start off overly polite and de-escalate later.

I have occasionally caused offence by being too casual, but not once by being too polite.

Two simple rules:

1. You can never be too polite. Given two options for communication, choose the more polite and respectful. Informality can come later.
2. Avoid abbreviations. They are rarely as courteous as using the words themselves.