You made me feel awful when you told me….
He made me really angry when he…..
It always makes me sad when I see….
You make me feel so happy….
When you do that it makes me feel stupid….
If you want to be powerless then this is your language. Sure
– your emotions are out of your control. People, events, almost anything can make you feel things. You’ve no choice
in the matter. From here it’s only the tiniest mental hop, step and jump to placing
responsibility onto somebody else for not just your emotions, but your actions
as well. Why take the blame yourself?
Reality check for anybody above the age of 12: nobody forces
you to feel something. Your feelings are
up to you. You have a choice about how you feel. You can also choose whether to
believe that you have that choice; and sometimes – maybe a lot of the time –
it’s easier not to take the responsibility. But the language of blaming another,
be it you, he, she, they, or it, for making us feel something, is the same
language that disempowers you.
Something happens, and you become aware of it. In that space
of awareness you can observe your feelings. They will arise, linger, and pass
away. There’s no need for you to embrace them and engage with them.*
Don’t relinquish your power and self-control. Don’t devolve
your emotional state to someone else. I can see the look in your eye - you
don’t believe it’s possible to be in control of your emotions. Have a little
faith. When you find yourself commenting that something ‘made’ you feel a
certain way then reflect on whether you had a choice. And remember one of
life’s rules: if you won't take the blame then you can’t claim the credit.
*Credit: Siddhartha Gautama
Very nicely written, Josh - thank you.
ReplyDeleteReflecting on your post has brought home two points to me
1. Take responsibility for our own actions (and emotions)
2. Emotions will rise/ fall - it is transient... I would also add that if/ when a 'negative' emotion arises, not to chastise ourselves, but to notice -- just as what you have written above about not embracing/ engaging. Just observe it.
Thanks for writing.
Cheers
MP
PS - I doubt we have met, I come from a land far far away ;)
Thank you MP. Always easier said than done. If I could live and love by my values at all times then my work would be done. (And maybe I, also, would be a buddha).
ReplyDeleteI like your point about not beating ourselves up for negative emotions. They come and go. They peak like a tuft, then flatten out again.
You've clearly spent time reflecting as well - have you ever spent a long period alone? In a kind of emotional "storage facility"?
Warm regards,
Josh