Nobody but you cares about your flaws

Nobody knows it, but you've got a secret problem

His hair was really thinning out on top. Poor guy. In the ceiling mirror I could see him walking towards me up the stairs. I felt a little sympathy – losing your hair at a young-ish age can’t be easy. As I was about to pass him I noticed the mirror arrangement: I’d been looking at the top of my own head.

This was years ago. For months afterwards I was self-conscious. My personality changed. I was less assertive, less confident and less happy. A psychologist friend offered a dozen different explanations for this: from fear of aging and death, to the biblical myth of Samson and loss of masculine power. None of that helps.

I meet dozens people every year who have similar issues:

A beautiful woman self-conscious about the size of her feet.

A man ashamed of his hand, having lost a finger in an accident when he was young.

A woman who blushes readily and hates to go out to social events.

Men and women who feel embarrassed about being too tall.

Or short.

Or fat.

Or thin.

Maybe a psychologist could work with them.  Perhaps some therapy or medicine could make them happier.

But only the truth about your flaws will set you free: nobody else gives a shit.

These people – and I was one of them – are so humiliated by their perceived flaws that they can’t enjoy the world. Fixation on the so-called problem becomes a vicious cycle: their experience is twisted through a lens of their own making. And it’s one that they choose to look through.

You think you’re too skinny?  Nobody else gives a shit.

You think your nose is too big?  Nobody else gives a shit.

Your voice doesn’t sound how you like?  Nobody else gives a shit.

You can see where I’m going here. We’re all in this together, so there’s no point holding on to your negative self-image.  If a belief empowers you, then take it. If it dis-empowers you then drop it.  I’m not suggesting you cling to delusions or stop trying to improve, but if your belief in a physical flaw prevents you fully experiencing the world then you have 3 options: fix it, feature it, or just say ‘fuck it’.  I picked the latter.

The truth, again, about your so-called flaws:  nobody else gives a shit.