Which voice is telling the story?
The hotel is beautiful, and there's an amazing beach there. It's really close to town as well - it only took us 10 minutes to walk to the local bar! There's so much to do: they have a water park and a huge pool, and there's a casino next door.
You'll love the hotel - it's beautiful, and you can get straight onto this amazing beach. You can walk to the local bar in 10 minutes - it's so close! You've got loads of activities as well: you can go to the water park and pool, or you can always gamble away your money at the casino.
I thought the hotel was beautiful, and I loved walking onto the beach. We made it to the local bar in 10 minutes, and I even walked as far as town one day. I was really excited when I saw all the slides at the water park, and I'm just glad I managed to resist the lure of the casino!
The first paragraph - written in the third person - is dry, and is opinion masquerading as fact. There is no space for emotion or action, and it doesn't let you tell a story.
The second paragraph is in the second person - the "you" perspective. Many people speak like this: they tell me how I'm going to feel about things. "Oh you'll love it when you get into it". "You'd hate it; you'd find it really boring". Really? Please don't tell me what I'll think and feel. There's no need to try and second-guess me: I'd prefer to hear what you thought and make up my own mind.
The third paragraph is from the first person, or "I", perspective. This voice lends itself well to story-telling. People want to hear what you though, saw, and felt. Emotions make stories.
More feelings, fewer facts. And a better story.
The hotel is beautiful, and there's an amazing beach there. It's really close to town as well - it only took us 10 minutes to walk to the local bar! There's so much to do: they have a water park and a huge pool, and there's a casino next door.
You'll love the hotel - it's beautiful, and you can get straight onto this amazing beach. You can walk to the local bar in 10 minutes - it's so close! You've got loads of activities as well: you can go to the water park and pool, or you can always gamble away your money at the casino.
I thought the hotel was beautiful, and I loved walking onto the beach. We made it to the local bar in 10 minutes, and I even walked as far as town one day. I was really excited when I saw all the slides at the water park, and I'm just glad I managed to resist the lure of the casino!
The first paragraph - written in the third person - is dry, and is opinion masquerading as fact. There is no space for emotion or action, and it doesn't let you tell a story.
The second paragraph is in the second person - the "you" perspective. Many people speak like this: they tell me how I'm going to feel about things. "Oh you'll love it when you get into it". "You'd hate it; you'd find it really boring". Really? Please don't tell me what I'll think and feel. There's no need to try and second-guess me: I'd prefer to hear what you thought and make up my own mind.
The third paragraph is from the first person, or "I", perspective. This voice lends itself well to story-telling. People want to hear what you though, saw, and felt. Emotions make stories.
More feelings, fewer facts. And a better story.
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